So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
