Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
