It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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