I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
