I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
