my phone needs a breathalizer
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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