the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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