batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
