Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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