I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
