Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
