Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
