Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
