Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
