apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
