I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
