Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize