never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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