I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
