I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
