i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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