Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
