I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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