btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do vagina's smell?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
