ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
