Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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