I can tuck mytits in my pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize