Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
