I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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