Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
