My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
