i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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