I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
