I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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