I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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