i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
