"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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