I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize