Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
