as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
