How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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