There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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