Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
