I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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