I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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