I think I died a long time ago.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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