Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
