I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
