they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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