Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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