Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
