Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
