We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
