She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
