Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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