if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's rum buckets o'clock
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
try to milk me bitch
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