Already got asked if we're dating
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
