i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
