I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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