I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
