I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she peed on how many people?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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