You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
