i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
