booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
